That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
