I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
PANTIES FOUND
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
