You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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