where am i from again
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
