I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
This is the high leading the old right now
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
