So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
