I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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