I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
