if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
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If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
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You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
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