you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
