obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
