Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
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In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
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