grandma shit on top of the toilet
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
