Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
