I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize