She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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