He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
