If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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