thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
