omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Randomize
