I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I'm getting married
To pizza
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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