i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
