I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
