i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
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