my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
