everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
