STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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