Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
