so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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