dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
