It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
