are you still at the devil's house?
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
