I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
