i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
