I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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