my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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