were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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