is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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