We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
