i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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