I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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