What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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