You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
You smell like a Billy Joel song
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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