you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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