we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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