I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize