Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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