wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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