The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
