I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
