What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
