This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
