I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
