At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
