Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... π―πππ
Do I even want to know?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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