Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
