Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
i've created a new STD.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
