Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
No subtext here. People are naked.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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