Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
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