Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
