i will never coherently bang her
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
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