She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
