take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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